Thoughts re: Romance

When I was growing up, I read a lot of books about dating & romantic relationships. The one thing that’s stuck with me the most and that’s proved the most profitable is Eric & Leslie Lucy’s ideas on the stages of intimacy (ie, “the two shall become one”):

In dating, cultivate spiritual intimacy (friendship). 

In engagement, cultivate emotional intimacy (romance). 

In marriage, culminate your relationship with physical intimacy (sex). 

And then continue to develop all 3 kinds of intimacy/one-ness for the rest of your life! Such a great strategy, with beautiful results! ❤️ 

For premarital counseling, we went through Focus on the Family’s “Ready to Wed” program. This program guides  soon-to-be-wed  couples through conversations about literally every part of life, which is so important when getting ready to join yourself to another person for life. This way, we entered marriage with, like, zero surprises. We knew each other very well and were best friends and therefore ready to start a family ASAP. And good thing, cause we found out I was pregnant just a few months later; and our son’s official due date was our 1st anniversary!

Then in marriage, be prepared for some things to be different than you expected, and also for your deepest dreams to come true in your spouse. I like to think of it as “for better AND for worse.” There will be challenges, and there will be blessings. Whichever you focus on will seem bigger to you, so try to focus on the blessings. 

I’ve said that I’m glad my man & I don’t have conflict, but that’s not exactly true. We’re two different people, so of course we have a little conflict - and “iron sharpens iron,” which of course includes a little friction every now & then. The truth is that we don’t have much conflict; and even when we do, we’re never mean about it. We’ve noticed the hardest thing for us is maybe stress (of which our life is full), and sometimes we just have to take a break and revisit stuff later. I’m thankful for a husband who helps me work through stuff, who faithfully reminds me that we’re a team, and who encourages me to call a godly-older-woman-friend when I need answers we can’t seem to find by ourselves. 

In conclusion … marriage is a beautiful gift from our gracious Father-God. If you’re gonna fall as a couple, always fall TOWARDS each other (not away from each other).